


Everything Changes, eventually - Destiel High School FanFiction

by itskindaafangirlthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - High School, Closeted Dean, Fluff, Interrupting Sam, Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 16,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6623959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itskindaafangirlthing/pseuds/itskindaafangirlthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is like everyone expects the Football Team Captain to be. Perfect girlfriend, perfect best friend, good looking and not really caring about anything. At least that's how it seems. He hates being perfect all the time, he hates that he can't talk to anyone about his problems. But what would happen if he would? What would they think if they knew he has to do all the work at home? That his father is never really at home? That he has to take care of his little brother and do everything to protect him? Dean just wished everything to end. But when he was forced to work with the good looking nerd on a Chemistry project, he didn't know that everything was about to change...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

"So what's the deal with you and Lisa?", asked Sam his big brother, "You two've been dating for about a month now. Seems pretty serious for your conditions."  
"I don't know. She's nice, but something doesn't fit."  
"What do you mean, doesn't fit? She's a cheerleader and you're football captain. That's always the perfect couple in these teen movies."  
"Yeah and you know what happens to those couples? The split up because either she or he falls in love with some nerd."  
"So you think you're gonna fall in love with a nerd?"  
"No, man. I would never date a nerd. I don't really know nerds. Only that we have three of them in our class. Two dudes and some red-head chick who's pretty hot, but openly gay."  
"And the dudes?"  
"They're dudes?! Either way, me and a nerd? No way."  
"But you and Lisa also no way?"  
"Shut up. What are you even asking stupid questions for, man?"  
"Nothing."  
Deans little brother did this thing with the eyes, from what Dean could always tell when he was lying.  
"Sammy? What are you not telling me?"  
"NOTHING! And I told you to stop calling me Sammy. I'm not five anymore."  
Sam stood up the table and walked angrily in his room. Dean knew he hid something from him, but if it was from much importance he would tell, so Dean decided to let it go for now. Then he looked at the clock. 8pm and his Dad still wasn't at home. That's nothing new since their mother died. Dean cleaned up the dishes and went to his brothers room. He knocked at the door.  
"Come in."  
His brother was already wrapped up in a blanket and half asleep.  
"Dad didn't come home, did he?", Sam asked his brother with a yawn in his voice.  
"He will. Get some sleep. We have school tomorrow."  
Dean closed the door and went to his own room. Sometimes he wished, he could just be a normal teenager. Care about things like if Lisa and him were serious. But every time he tried to have his own life, his father did something, like shouting at Sam so he is terrified like hell, and Dean has to take care of his brother. He has to clean up the house. He has to work at a library sometimes, so he can pay the bills. He even had to learn how to cook rabbit food, because Sam wouldn't eat the things Dean liked. He learned to fix his Impala when he was twelve. His father never allowed them to go to school by bus. He didn't allow his boys much, but wasn't at home either. Dean was sick of his life. If it wasn't for Sammy he would have ran away a long time ago. But he couldn't let his brother alone. Still he hoped something would change. In school and next to his brother, he always has to be this perfect, football team captain guy, with the perfect girlfriend and who never really shows how he feels. When he first met Lisa, he thought she would be different, but turned out she and her best friend meg just wanted to see who could have Dean first. He's still dating her, because his reputation is better since he's been going out with her sometime. But he doesn't know how long he is going on with this. He's just done with everything.  
-  
"Novak! Stop it! You're doing it again!"  
"Shut up, Kevin. I am not doing anything."  
"Oh, so you're not checking that Winchester guy out again?"  
"More like, obsessive starring.", said Charlie, while sitting done right next to Castiel and Kevin.  
"Guys, I'm not checking him out. I just..."  
"Like starring at the football captain and his girlfriend, while you're supposed to eat?", asked Charlie ironically.  
"Yeah his girlfriend," said Kevin while rolling his eyes, "as if Lisa is really that into him. You know, she winked at me yesterday. I bet she never winked at Dean like that."  
"God, could you guys please stop obsessing over people, you obviously can't have? We're the nerds, and they are the stars. Though I have to admit that Dean seems pretty nice, in difference to Lisa. I don't know what you like so much about her, Kev. I mean yeah, she's hot, but that isn't enough when you're just as dumb as she is.", said Charlie trying to help her two best friends, who are apparently real dorks.  
But Castiel knew she was right. Doesn't matter how cute, nice, smart , sexy and beautiful Dean Winchester is, he will probably never even realize that Castiel existed. Although they were in the same class for two years now. Castiel didn't even know that much about Dean. Only that he lived two streets farther from Castiels house and that he had a little brother whose name was Sam. Although he was first confused because Deans best friend, Crowley, always called Sam 'Moose'. Castiel thought it would be because if Sam's long hair but he wasn't sure. He also knew that Dean drove a 67' Chevrolet Impala and that his favorite color was green. He knew that Dean worked at a library sometimes, and so it happens that Castiel was going there to read a book, only to watch Dean while he works. Castiel is also pretty sure that there's no one who notices that Dean has candy green eyes. For everyone else they are green, even for Dean. He's also sure that Dean has no idea how beautiful he is. But then again, Castiel knows for 100% that Dean is straight, has a girlfriend, and no idea that Castiel exists.  
"Earth to Castiel. Are you there?"  
"hmm what?"  
"He was probably thinking about that Winchester dude again."  
"That Winchester dude has a name, Kev. Just so you know."  
"Who cares?"  
"Guys, stop fighting. We have to go. Chemistry is starting in 5 minutes and we already were late last time.", interrupted Charlie her friends.  
"Aren't we going to do partner-work this time?"  
"Yep. And I don't wanna do that with some dumb chick again just because you two were to late. So hurry up."


	2. Chemistry Class & Football Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have to work on a Chemistry Project together; Castiel shows up at Football Practice

"So, am I going to see you tonight?", asked Lisa her boyfriend while walking together to class.  
"I have to work, sorry."  
"You're only helping out at your fathers friends car garage? Why do you have to help so often?"  
"I don't know. Bobby says he needs my help and I come."  
That wasn't really true. He has to work at the library but how was he supposed to tell anyone about his job, when it's such a nerd job? It was true that he was helping Bobby out sometimes but not as often, as Lisa thinks.  
"Lisa Braeden and Dean Winchester. Late. Again.", said their angry Chemistry teacher.  
"Sorry ms. Field."  
"Don't be sorry. We just organized the partners for our next project. But to teach you two a lesson, I'm not gonna let you work together. Tran and Braeden, and Winchester and Novak."  
"WHAT?!", were the four of them shouting at the same time.  
"You can't do that to me? Kevin is a nerd, it's uncool to work with nerds.", protested Lisa.  
"It is as I say. Now sit together and start working. Novak and Tran know what to do, so they can tell you."  
Still angry, Lisa walked to her seat while Kevin followed her with an open mouth. He seemed to have a crush on her, but Dean didn't really care. He would have no problem with Kevin taking her from him.  
Dean took place next to that guy that the teacher just called Novak.  
"So, is Novak your first name, or?"  
"No, it isn't. My first name is Castiel."  
"Isn't that how the angel of Thursday is called?"  
"Right. But how do you know that? No offense but you don't seem like that kind of guy."  
"My mom used to tell me these stories about angels and how they were watching over us."  
"Do you believe her?", Castiel asked.  
"I did. Until she died."  
"Ow. I'm sorry."  
"Doesn't matter. You know what, I'm just gonna call you Cas. That's shorter and easier to remember. I'm-"  
"Dean. I know."  
Dean didn't know why, but this nerdy dude with beautiful blue eyes seemed pretty cool. He liked that he had already known his name. Castiel seemed to be different. But still, Dean couldn't bare to get to attached, because Crowley would probably make even more fun about him when he would say he kinda likes this nerd.  
"So, you're gonna tell me what to do or are we gonna keep on starring into each others eyes?", asked Dean while he recognized that Cas started blushing.  
"Book, page 69 ...."  
After Chemistry class Cas and Dean walked out together to schedule their time for the project.  
"Well I have football practice now and after that I have to work."  
"At the library?"  
"How do you know that?", Dean asked shocked and raised his fist.  
"Calm down. I saw you once."  
"You can't tell anyone!"  
"Okay, okay. But what is so bad about it?"  
"Nothing. At least nothing I have to discuss with you. Now, what about tomorrow after school?"  
"Yeah sounds-"  
"Oh you son of a...."  
While Dean was talking to Cas he briefly looked behind Cas and saw his brother talking to some blonde chick. He betted that's why he asked that stupid questions. Without even realizing that he had been talking do Cas, Dean just walked to Sam and let Cas there standing like a ditched prom date.  
"Hiya, Sammy. And who is this beautiful woman here."  
"I told you not to call me that!", said his brother a little angry.  
"My name is Jessica.", said the blonde girl.  
"Nice to meet you Jessica. Sammy told me a lot about you."  
"Really? Did he?"  
"No. But I assume he will now."  
"I'm gonna let you two lovebirds alone now. See ya after practice, Sammy."  
Dean winked at them and left to go back to his conversation with Castiel. But to his surprise he was gone. Normally Dean didn't mind, but he kinda liked talking to this weird guy. Before Dean could look for Cas, because they still had to schedule their meetings for the project, he had to go to football practice.  
-  
"So? You have to work with this nerd instead of Lisa? Poor guy.", said Crowley to his best friend while they were warming up for practice.  
"Who's the poor guy? Me or the nerd?"  
"You, of course! That guy is lucky, just watch out he doesn't fall in love with you. Heard he would be pansexual."  
"Yeah, just like you heard our principal was sleeping with one of the students and when Lucifer tried to blackmail him with that, he got suspended because it wasn't true."  
"Whatever. Just don't kill this nerd, okay?"  
Dean rolled his eyes. Crowley was talking shit the whole day and mostly it wasn't even interesting.  
When they started to play, Azazel shouted something to Dean. Dean could only understand "Nerd" & "Watching". When Dean looked confused at Azazel, he pointed his finger at the tribune. Dean looked around and saw Castiel sitting there, watching the practice. It wasn't that unusual that people came to watch the practice. Mostly the boys girlfriends, who weren't a cheerleader, were watching the practice or the people that had to drive home with someone of the team. Meg sometimes was sitting there and watching the team, when she got sick of sitting next to the cheerleader practicing while waiting for her best friend Lisa. But that Novak guy was never here before. It didn't bother Dean. At least that's what he thought. Then while they were playing he always got distracted of knowing that, this attractive guy was sitting there watching him. Dean never played so bad. Not even when he has thought his Dad would come and watch. Dean now knows that John will never show up to see him play.  
"Winchester! What is wrong with you today?!", Alastair shouted.  
"Sorry."  
"Don't be sorry! You're captain! Play like one!"  
"Cool down, Alastair", Crowley started defending Dean, "Everyone has a bad day sometime."  
After the practice Dean said he would shower at home, so he could get home fast because he didn't want anyone to confront him about what was wrong today. He packed his things and walked to the car where his brother waited. But before he got there he was stopped.  
"We still need to schedule our meetings for the project.", said Castiel.  
"Is that why you were at the practice?"  
"What? No. Can't a guy just watch the football team practicing?"  
"No, not a guy like you."  
"A guy like me? What do you mean by that?"  
"Nothing. I have to go now my brother is waiting. You got time tomorrow after school?"  
"Yes."  
"Good. Just wait at my car then."  
"Okay, see you th-", Castiel wanted to say goodbye but Dean already walked away.  
At the evening Dean was sitting at the couch and talking to Sam.  
"So, Jessica?"  
"Yeah."  
"You like her?"  
Sam nodded.  
"Cool. A frie-", Dean stopped. Did he just really wanted to call that nerd 'a friend of mine?'  
"What, 'a frie-'?", his brother asked confused.  
"I have to work on a Chemistry project with that nerdy dude, so he'a gonna come over tomorrow."  
"That guy with the black hair you talked to earlier?"  
"Yeah. But I think his hair is more like real dark brown, not exactly black."  
"Whatever you say. But don't you have to go to the library now?"  
"DAMN IT!"


	3. At Dean's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes to Dean's house after school to work on the Chemistry Project

"God, Castiel, please, stop.", Kevin said disgustingly.  
"What? I'm not doing anything?"  
"So you and that Winchester guy were not starring at each other since first period?"  
"No. Well at least he isn't starring."  
Castiel knew that wasn't true. For the first time since he had a crush on Dean, Dean seemed to notice Cas. Castiel caught him many times now, looking at him. As well as Dean had caught Cas. Cas... 'That sounds so much cooler than every nickname I ever had', thought Castiel.  
"Now come, Charlie is waiting for us."  
After school Castiel tried to hurry up so he wouldn't let Dean wait, but Charlie wouldn't let go of him before she told him everything about Dorothea. Charlie could get a bit annoying when she was in love. But when Castiel finally was at Dean's car, Dean wasn't already there either. He had been running here for nothing. And Castiel was pretty sure he didn't look that hot covered in sweat like Dean did yesterday after practice. Dean came and next to him walked his brother.  
"Shotgun!", Sam shouted.  
"Nope. Today you're in the back little brother."  
Sam looked a little bit disappointed for a moment, but then he smiled and held his hand in front of Castiel.  
"Hi, I'm Sam."  
"Castiel."  
They shook hands and Sam turned to Dean.  
"You're right, it is a weird name."  
Castiel had to smile, seeing Dean turning a little bit red. Dean unlocked the Impala and Castiel took place in the front seat next to Dean while Sam sat in the back. It was a bit awkward for Castiel, sitting there and not knowing what to talk about. But Dean sometimes looked at Cas and that made him feel some way. Sam was the first one to talk since they left the school.  
"God, you guys are so OTP material."  
Castiel choked and looked at Dean who seemed to not really realizing what his brother just said. But he answered him.  
"I have no idea what OTP means. But to be honest, I don't even want to know. It's probably some of your weird science fiction nerd crap."  
Castiel knew what OTP meant, but he acted like he didn't while Sam was just laughing. If Dean would know what it means, he would probably kill his brother and Cas liked Sam, so he didn't say anything.  
After they arrived and had eaten, Sam left to go to his friend Gabriel. Castiel knew Gabriel, he was the younger brother of Michael and Lucifer. Cas never got along with Lucifer. Before he got suspended he had bullied Cas, but no one except Kev and Charlie really knew. Dean and Cas were working on their project the whole day. Probably because both of them couldn't really concentrate. They were to distracted by the others presence.  
"You want something to drink?", Dean asked.  
"Water?"  
Dean nodded and left the room. A minute later he came with to bottles of water and handed one over to the other boy. While Dean gave Cas the bottle, he realized a silver ring on Deans finger.  
"Nice ring.", he complimented Dean.  
"Belonged to my mother."  
"How old were you when she died?"  
Before Dean could answer Cas quickly said, "Forget it. It's none of my business."  
"No. I'd like to talk about it."  
Dean smiled at Cas and Cas didn't have a choice but to smile back at him.  
"She died when I was 4. Sam was only 6 months by then. He never really got to know her. Since then our father is rarely at home and I'm the one to raise Sam."  
"Oh, but-"  
Dean would never know what Cas wanted to say, because Sam was coning into the room.  
"I'm back."  
"Already?"  
"Dean, it's nearly 9pm?"  
"Is it?", Dean looked shocked at the clock on his phone. His brother was right.  
"Whatever, I'm gonna go sleep now, good night. And it was nice meeting you, Castiel."  
"Nice meeting you too, Sam.", Cas said.  
After Sam was upstairs and probably in his room, Cas turned to Dean.  
"Do I have to go or can we at least finish this part of the presentation?"  
"You can stay. My Dad isn't gonna come home till 2am."  
"Okay."  
Cas and Dean worked on the project till they've heard a scream from upstairs.  
"Sammy", Dean shouted while jumping away from his chair and running upstairs. Cas followed him.


	4. Dean's First Jealousy Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comforts Sam after having a Nightmare;Dean makes a fool of himself in front of his friends, because he gets jealous; Charlie catches Dean starring at Cas

Dean kicked the door to his brothers room open, who was sitting in his bed and looked terrified as hell.  
"Sammy? What happend?"  
Sam didn't answer, he was just shaking.  
"That dream again?"  
Deans brother nodded and looked at his brother with just such fear. Dean took place next to Sam and held him tightly.  
"Sssh. It was just a dream. I got ya. The dream won't hurt you. Everything's alright. I'm here for you."  
Castiel was impressed at how Dean managed to keep his brother calm. You could really see how much Dean cared about Sam. Cas had always known that Dean was a soft and caring person inside and didn't get why he couldn't show that to everyone. But still he was happy that he could see it.  
"Are you better now, Sammy?", asked Dean his brother while still holding him. Sam nodded.  
"Then get some sleep now. And if you can't sleep, you know where I will be."  
Dean turned of the light and closed the door. Then he nodded Castiel to go downstairs again.  
"I'm sorry for that. That must have seemed weird for you.", Dean apologized.  
"No. Not even a bit. You really care about Sam, don't you?"  
"He's all I got."  
"I wish I would have someone who cared about me, the way you care about Sam."  
"Maybe that person isn't as far as you think."  
"Yeah, I doubt that. But I have to go now. See you in Chemistry at Thursday then."  
"See you then."  
Castiel left the house. Thursday. That was two days from now. Seemed so long to him.  
-  
Dean, Crowley, Lisa and Meg were sitting at their table in the hall. What was it about Cas that couldn't make Dean stop thinking about him? Every time Dean tried to concentrate this beautiful guy with beautiful hair and beautiful eyes popped up in Deans head. And he didn't even think it was disgusting.  
"Why is your Chemistry partner always looking at our table, babe?", Lisa asked Dean.  
"What do I know?!"  
"I don't have a problem with it. He's kinda cute.", said Meg, what made Dean, to his surprise, pretty jealous.  
"Maybe you should ask him out then.", Crowley suggested.  
"No!", Dean said quickly, without even noticing he did.  
"Why not?", Meg asked suspicious.  
"He's not that great. Believe me."  
"I thought you said he was nice?", Lisa asked now, also a bit suspicious.  
"I was wrong. He smells like fish and.. and likes to play with dolls."  
'What the fucking hell are you doing?!' Dean asked himself. This was probably the worst excuse ever. And it wasn't even real. Dean adored Cas' sent. He smelled like Deans favorite pie. And who the hell plays with dolls? They're not gonna believe him.  
"I don't care. After I'm done with him he will be as cool as we are.", Meg said. Dean looked to the table Cas was sitting with his friends. They laughed and Dean wished he would sit there with them.  
-  
"He's starring again."  
"Is he?", said Castiel excited while he turned around to see if Charlie was telling the truth. But Charlie hit the back if Cas' head with her hand.  
"Dumbass! You wanna make it more obvious?! And yes he did stare at you."  
"I still don't get it. He didn't even care that you were there when he was talking to his brother like that?", said Kevin now, still not getting the story Castiel told them five minutes ago.  
"Well, I think it doesn't bother him that much when people know how he really is.", Cas said.  
"Or maybe you're just different to him. Maybe he just trusts you within only knowing you for two days now. To be honest, it seems like he kinda has a crush in you, too.", Charlie recognized.  
"You think?"  
"Yeah, believe me. I know a lot about having the first gay crush."  
"So I was right that he isn't really into Lisa?"  
"God Kevin, is that all you care about?"


	5. Football Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a Football game and invites Castiel to come to the after party

On Thursdays Chemistry class Dean and Cas were deep in their work when Dean hopefully but also nervously asked Cas, "So, you're coming to our game tonight?"  
"I don't know yet.", Cas hesitated before he said the second part,"Do you want me to come?"  
"Always good to have one more fan than usually."  
"I'll think about it."  
"You can come to the after party, too. If you want to. You can also take your friends. Just don't tell anyone I was the one to invite you."  
-  
At the game Dean was a bit nervous. It was their first game for a long time and after what happened at their last practice he didn't know how it would go. He just wished for Cas to come, although he knew that it would make him even less calm. But there he saw him. Looking even more beautiful then normally. Next to him were his red headed friend and the weird asian guy. But the seat left to him was empty. When Cas saw Dean, he smiled at him. And Dean smiles back. But the game would start soon, so he was going to his position. Close to the start of the game, Dean looked at Cas one last time. Well at least he thought so. Because he only looked up there to see how Meg was taking place right next to Cas. Awesome. Now he has to play, knowing that Meg is up there ,and knowing her, nonstop flirting with Cas. How the fuck is he supposed to concentrate now?!  
Surprisingly it wasn't that bad at all. Seeing meg flirting with Cas made him angry, what made him more aggressive so he was playing better then ever. He scored a few times and after every goal he looked up to Cas who was cheering. Normally the first person he looked at was Sam, but he couldn't come to the game today.  
The game went on great and their team won. Dean wanted to talk to Cas before they all were getting ready for the after party, but he was held up by his team colleagues.  
"You surprised me, Winchester.", Alastair had said while highfiving him.  
At the party Dean was busy looking for Cas and hiding from a drunk Lisa who only wanted to make out. He found Cas' friend Charlie dancing with some other chick.  
"Hey! You!", Dean had to shout because the music in here was to loud, "Charlie, right?"  
"Yeah. What's up?"  
"Is Cas here?"  
"No. He left for home! That weird dark-haired chick annoyed him!"  
"Thanks!"  
Dean left Charlie alone again and was searching for a more quiet place. Part of him was glad to hear that Cas was annoyed by Meg, but he also had wished for him to be here.  
"DEAN! BABE!"  
Damnit! Lisa had found him.  
"Here you are. I was nearly making out with Azazel because I couldn't find you."  
"You're drunk."  
"So? Come on, let's make out."  
"Sorry. Not in the mood."  
"Not in the mood? You just scored a dozen times? Don't you wanna celebrate?"  
"Yes, I do. But not with you."  
Dean left Lisa and searched for Crowley. He knew Lisa won't probably remember this so it didn't matter if she was mad at him now.  
He found Crowley with Alastair and Azazel at the bar.  
"There's my boy!", Crowley shouted handing Dean a beer over.  
"Let's all celebrate our captain, and my bestie, for scoring us a win today!"  
Dean smiled and even though he wished Castiel would be here, he was having fun.


	6. "I don't want to be alone"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets in a fight with his father and runs off; Devestated he looks for company at Cas' house

Dean wasn't drunk when he got home, although he could feel the alcohol in his system. But when he was opening the front door he heard someone shouting inside. Not someone. His Dad.  
"Where is your brother?!"  
"I told you. He's at a game."  
"Then why isn't he home yet?!"  
"I am here.", Dean interrupted, "and stop shouting at Sam. You're frightening him."  
"Sam. Go to your room."  
"But-"  
"Now!"  
"Yes, sir."  
With tears in his eyes Sam ran up to his room.  
"What was this about?", Dean asked his Father.  
"You left Sam alone. You're supposed to watch after him! You can't just leave him here on his own!"  
"He's old enough to live without me for a few hours."  
"BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH OUT FOR HIM!"  
"AND I DO! I always watch out for him! You're the one frightening him!"  
"Watch your mouth, son."  
"Sam would have come with me to the game, but he had to study and it isn't that late, so what is the problem here?"  
"The Problem is that you didn't watch out for your brother!"  
"BUT I DID!"  
Dean was screaming in tears. There weren't much things in this world making him cry, only his family was able to. But that only made John angrier.  
"Stop crying, son. You're not a damn girl."  
Dean tried, but he couldn't.  
"Stop crying!", John shouted while he raised his hand and hit Dean in his face. Dean immediately stopped crying and looked shocked in his fathers face. They've fought often, but never had John hit him. Dean turned back to the front door and ran out.  
"Good! Run away!"  
Dean didn't know where to run but he just ran. Till he was a few streets farther and stopped because he was standing in front if a house where the note on the door said "Novak". He hadn't known where Cas lived but this was Cas' fathers car, so he figured this was the right house. Dean went up to the door and hit the doorbell. He regretted it immediately but before he could turn back, Cas had already opened the door. He only was wearing a black T-shirt and some plaid boxers. And his hair was messy, which made him even sexier then he already was.  
"Dean? What are you doing here?"  
"You didn't come to the party."  
"Yes, but that isn't why you're here, is it?"  
Only now Castiel saw how damaged Dean looked. His eyes looked like he had been crying and his lips were bleeding.  
"Oh my-. Come in."  
Cas opened the door a little more so Dean could walk through it. Then he showed him his room and said he should wait in there for him. Cas went to the bathroom and grabbed a wet towel to patch up Dean's wound. He sat down next to Dean and gently putted the towel at Deans face.  
"So, what happend?", Cas asked, being afraid that Dean wouldn't wanna talk about it and freak out, but Dean kept calm.  
"My Father came home and he was angry that I left Sam alone. It was my fault."  
"It wasn't your fault. Sam is old enough to take care of himself."  
Cas took down the towel and was looking in Deans eyes now. They were just so beautiful, he could stare at them all the time.  
"It wasn't even that much worth it. The party wasn't that great. Not without you being there.", Dean said now looking deeply into Cas' eyes. Cas was flattered. He knew Dean was probably only saying this because he didn't feel well. But still Cas didn't answer. He didn't want this moment to be over. Cas recognized Dean taking a deep breath and then he was kissing him. Deans hands gripped Cas' arms and pulling him closer to him. The feel of Deans heart pounding through his shirt made Cas shiver. But then Cas pulled away.  
"No.", he said, "You don't really want this."  
Dean looked surprised.  
"Why shouldn't I?"  
"You're devastated. That's the only reason you're doing this. And I don't want to be someone you only want when you're devastated."  
Dean didn't answer, but that didn't make Cas feel mad. He didn't blame Dean for what just happened. He should have stopped immediately because the longer the kiss would have been, the more it would have hurt Cas after. He wanted it so badly, but not that way.  
"You wanna sleep here?", Cas asked.  
"That would be great, thanks."  
"Okay, I'm gonna sleep on the cou-"  
"Don't."  
"What?"  
"Don't sleep on the couch. Your bed is big enough for three people."  
"But-"  
"Please. I don't want to be alone."  
Cas nodded. Then he went to his dresser, took the biggest T-shirt in his belonging out and handed it over to Dean. Dean thanked him and changed. Cas turned around when Dean took of his shirt, because he already regretted what he had said before, but he knew it was right. And seeing Dean shirtless now would make it only harder for him. As if it wasn't hard enough that he was going to sleep in the same bed with Dean tonight. Luckily both of them were very tired and fell asleep very soon.  
-  
When Dean woke up, Cas was still sleeping. He looked to the window. It was still dark outside. Dean knew he had to leave and go home, but still he took his time to watch Cas sleep for a few minutes. Then he stood up, trying to be very quiet and picking up his T-shirt, although he didn't take off the one he was wearing, which belonged to Cas. He sneaked out the room and then out of the house without waking up anyone.


	7. Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is confused because Dean acts like nothing happened

When Dean got home, he saw that his father had left again. Typically. He went upstairs, showered and changed into his own clothes. He putted Cas' shirt under his pillow so he could have it with him when he sleeps. Hopefully Cas wouldn't ask for it back soon. Then Dean went over to his brothers room and knocked carefully.  
"Sammy? Are you awake?"  
"Yes."  
Dean went into the room and saw his brother standing at the window.  
"Are you mad? Because of yesterday?", Dean asked.  
"What? NO! You didn't do anything wrong! I knew you were going to that party and I was totally cool with that. I tried to tell Dad the same thing, but .. well you know what happend."  
"So you're not angry with me?"  
"No, Dean. I'm not."  
"Good. Then grab your things, we're gonna get breakfast at Renwick's"  
"Really?", Sam asked excited.  
"Yeah, Dad left some money here."  
"Awesome!"  
-  
After Dean and Sam had a good breakfast at a diner near by, they went to school. Dean was a little bit afraid to see Cas again, but as long as Lisa was with him, he was sure Cas wasn't going to try talking to him. He found her in the hall on their table. She was probably waiting for him.  
"Lisa!", Dean shouted through the hall so she could hear him. She didn't, but only because she had headphones on. On his way to Lisa, Dean was stopped by Cas.  
"Dean we-"  
But Dean ignored him and walked straight on to his girlfriend. He didn't know why, but he didn't want anyone to see him talking to Cas here. Still, Dean couldn't other but notice that the red sweater Cas was wearing today, looked amazing on him.  
Lisa recognized Dean and took off her headphones.  
"Hey, babe.", she said.  
Dean kissed Lisa and sat down extra closely to her. He was disgustingly flirting with her, only to see if it would bother Cas.  
-  
"He's only doing this to make you jealous.", Kevin said.  
"You're only saying that because of Lisa."  
"Yes. But still. A straight guy doesn't just walk around kissing people because he's devastated."  
"I have to agree with Kev on this one.", Charlie said.  
"On the party he seemed like he had been searching for someone and then he asked me where you were."  
"He did?", Cas asked with his eyes wide open.  
"Yes he did. He seemed sad that you weren't there."  
"That's also what he said to me yesterday night...", Cas said with a little sadness in his voice. He didn't get this whole thing. First, Dean kisses him like this, and on the next day he's sitting there making out with Lisa and ignoring Cas like nothing had happen.  
"But hey, at least he won't be able to ignore you later in Chemistry", Kevin said to cheer Cas up.  
Kevin was right. Cas would not give up that easy.


	8. Sorry Or Not Sorry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean apologizes for the kiss

"I'm sorry.", Dean broke the silence that had been there for the first five minutes now. Cas wanted to say something since class had begun but nothing would come out.  
"For what?"  
"Yesterday. Me showing up at your house like that. And everything that followed after that. Especially that I ignored you this morning. And... the kiss... I don't want you to think anything wrong here."  
"It's okay. I understand it."  
"No. I mean it. I have to stand up for my actions."  
"I'm fine. Really. You don't have to apologize."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes. I'm sure."  
"Good. But I think we have to meet again after school if we want to get the presentation finished in time."  
"Sure. Today? At yours?"  
"Yeah. I'm just gonna take you with me after school."  
"Okay, but now let's work."  
Cas didn't know why he wasn't angry anymore. But it didn't seem right for being mad at Dean for ignoring him. Especially when he was the one stopping the kiss yesterday. Cas was sure that he will never get a chance to kiss Dean again. But he'd rather had him as a friend than as someone who broke his heart. And that is what Dean would have done if Cas hadn't stopped the kiss. Because Dean just wasn't into Cas.  
-  
After school they've been driving to Deans house and eaten together with Sam, some soup that Dean had made. Sam and Cas both thought there was to much salt in it, but both didn't say anything because they didn't want to hurt Deans feelings. After they had eaten all up, Dean went to wash the dishes and Sam was talking with Cas.  
"So Dean stayed at yours last night?"  
"Yes."  
"Dean really must trust you. He never slept anywhere but here or at Bobby's. Not even at Crowley's house and they've been best friends since.. forever."  
Castiel wanted to answer but after the doorbell ringed, Sam went to the door. He opened and a blonde girl, probably Sam's age, was walking in.  
"Jess and I are in my room!", Sam shouted so Dean could hear it.  
"Alright!", he shouted back.  
Then he came out of the kitchen and sat down with Cas to work on the project.  
"Good, I hate Chemistry.", Dean moaned.  
"Yeah, me too."  
"Really? I thought you were just.. good at everything."  
"Then you don't know me like you think you do. There's probably much that you don't know about me."  
"Yeah? Something like you're an alien on a secret mission on the earth to find humanity's weakness?"  
"No. I'm an angel of the Lord that is here to kick some ass."  
Cas laughed, but Dean didn't. But then Cas remembered.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to.."  
"It's fine. I know you didn't. But now let's keep working, I want this shitty project to be over."  
Cas was a little bit hurt. Did Dean want this project to be over, or did he want the time he had to spend with Cas to be over?  
"Finally!", Dean shouted when they had finished their presentation.  
"I would love to celebrate, but I've got to work in half an hour.", he added.  
"That's fine."  
"But I'm gonna drive you home. That's the least I can do."  
"I'm not complaining."  
Dean smiled at Cas and stood up. Then they walked to Deans car and he started it.  
It wasn't a long way, but still Cas loved to watch Dean driving. To watch his muscles, every time he had to turn right or left. It was probably the last time he would be sitting with Dean in his car. So he enjoyed it.  
"There we are."  
"Thanks for driving me home."  
"No problem."  
Cas got out of the car and walked to the front door.  
"Cas! Wait. Come here for a sec."  
Cas walked over to the drivers door and looked confused at Dean who had just pulled down the window. Then Dean grabbed Cas at his red sweater he liked so much and kissed him. Cas didn't expect this. It wasn't a long kiss but it was effectively.  
"What happened to 'Sorry that I kissed you'?",Cas asked still being shocked.  
"Yeah, I lied about that. But now go, I have to get to work."  
Dean pulled the wheel over and drove away with a smile on his face. Cas was still frozen. Never ever had he expected this. Never. But what did this mean now?


	9. 2 Minutes

"It's annoying, Cas. We are all happy that it's going so well with you and Dean, but stop that starring and embarrassing chuckling.", Kevin told his friend.  
"Well, I wouldn't say it's going well...", Charlie said a little bit suspicious.  
"What do you mean?", Cas asked being a bit frightened.  
"What I mean is that he obviously is still with Lisa. I'm not saying he's not into you, but the question is if he's willing to make sacrifices for you?"  
"I don't know. I assume I'm just gonna have to talk to him."  
Cas was now a little bit frightened. Charlie was right. But what if he was interpreting to much in that kiss from yesterday? What if Dean didn't mean it like that? Well if he didn't then he had a lot explaining to do.  
-  
Cas was still thinking about that when he was walking across the school. But suddenly someone grabbed him and he recognized himself in the coach's office.  
"What the- .. Dean?!"  
"Hey Cas.", Dean said and winked at Cas.  
Then he locked the door behind them.  
"Dean what are you doing?"  
"We have 2 minutes. You wanna talk or make out?"  
Cas smiled. Well doesn't seem like Dean didn't mean it yesterday. And before Cas could answer Dean had already his arms around Cas and was kissing him. His kisses were wild and gentle at the same time. Although he had closed his eyes, Cas knew that Dean enjoyed it and that he was smiling. 'This has to be a dream', Cas thought. He'd had a crush on Dean for so long now, he imagined kissing him a thousand times, but it was so much better than he had imagined.  
When they separated, both had to take a breath.  
"Wait one minute till you go out", Dean said while walking to the door," and expect me at your house later"  
Dean briefly kissed Cas one more time before he left to go to his next class.  
Cas was just so happy, he didn't even care that Dean wanted them to be a secret. He was so overwhelmed by his feelings for Dean, he wasn't even sure they were healthy.  
After waiting the minute, Dean asked him for, he walked out the room and went to his locker. Charlie stood there waiting for him.  
"What are you smiling about? Did your knight in shining armor finally broke up with his princess?"  
"No. But I don't care. It's enough for me to know he wants me. If he isn't ready to come out, I'm totally cool with that."  
"Are you? Are you really?"


	10. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is surprised when he realizes that Dean might really like him

"So, this is where Jess lives?", Dean asked his brother while stopping at a big house in the richer part of the city.  
"Yeah. Thanks for driving me."  
"Of course. Always there for you. I'm gonna pick you up at 7pm, okay?"  
"Okay. See you then."  
Sam left the car and Dean starting driving to Cas' house. He was a little bit nervous, but also excited. He loved to spend time with Cas. He could trust him and he feels like he's the first person to understand him. He never felt that way around some one else.  
When Dean arrived at Cas' house and hit the doorbell his heart started beating faster. Why was he so nervous? He never was nervous when he was at Lisa's. Well probably because he doesn't like Lisa that much. When Cas opened the door, he thought his heart had completely stopped beating. God how Dean loved when Cas' hair was messy. But it seemed like Cas' had the same problem. He was just standing there, not saying anything. Just starring into Deans eyes, who stared back. But someone had to break the silence.  
"You're gonna let me in?"  
"Eh, yeah. Sure. You know where my room is."  
Dean smiled and walked in. He kinda got calmer with every step. When they were in Cas' room, Cas shut the door and walked straight to Dean and kissed him. Dean kissed back, but after a short amount of time he backed off.  
"Easy there, tiger."  
Dean smiled and took something out of his bag, a movie.  
"Titanic?!" Cas asked pretty surprised.  
"It's not that bad. And plus, you don't watch action movies at a date."  
"This is a date?"  
"What did you think?"  
Dean smiled and gave Cas the movie. Then he took place on Cas' bed where you had the perfect view at the TV. After he put in the movie, Cas sat down next to Dean, who put his arm around him. He was a bit nervous because he didn't know how Cas would react, but Cas smiled at him and even moved a bit closer.  
When they finished the movie they went to the kitchen and Cas started cooking for Dean.  
"So, your dad isn't home?", Dean asked while he sat on the kitchen counter next to where Cas was preparing the food.  
"Yeah, he's meeting with his publisher."  
"He's a writer?"  
"Yep. Can you give me the salt?"  
Dean reached for the salt that was standing right behind him and handed it over to Cas.  
"What are you even making there?"  
"It's a surprise."  
"If you say so."  
After they ate up, Dean still didn't know what it was, something with meat and tomatoes, Dean gave Cas a goodbye kiss and left to pick up his brother. He wished he could have stayed but with knowing he was going to see Cas again on monday, it was fine.  
When he was sitting in the car with Sam he couldn't different but ask him about Jess.  
"You like Jess a lot, don't you?"  
"And you like Castiel a lot, don't you?"  
"Shut up. I'm serious."  
"Me, too. Dean, I know you. I see the way you look at him."  
"Come on, we're not gonna talk like in those chick flicks. Yeah I like Cas. Yeah I may not be straight. End of discussion."


	11. Pretending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley starts to notice that there's something going on with Dean

Sam and Dean were walking into the school. Dean was nervous, because they had their presentation today. And he was happy to see Cas again.  
"Dean!", it was Crowley who was walking towards him.  
Sam left to go to his friends and now Dean was waiting for Crowley to come.  
"Man, I know you don't wanna talk about it, but what is going on with you lately?", Crowley asked.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean you and Lisa? You're not in love with her, I can see that, but then why are you walking around and smiling like you've just won 1000$?"  
"The fuck I am. Can't someone just have a good day?"  
"Yes, but not you. Especially not so many good days in a row. You know you can always talk to me, what's up?"  
Dean didn't listen anymore, because Cas was walking in the school and Dean was distracted by Meg walking up to Cas, probably to flirt with him again.  
"Dean? I am talking to you?", Crowley said trying to get his best friend to finally tell him what's been going on.  
"Sorry I have to talk to Cas because of our presentation later."  
Dean still had his eyes on Meg, flirting with Cas and when he wanted to go to them, Crowley held his arm to stop him.  
"Yeah, that's the other thing. Since when do we talk to nerds? Since when do we like them and give them nicknames? I don't get why you're spending some much time with a douche like him."  
"He's not a douche!", Dean said a little angry, but as he realized what this had to sound like he tried to cool himself down, what wasn't that easy with knowing that Meg stood there flirting with Cas.  
"And we only met so often, because of the assignment, okay? Everything's alright with me. Stop worrying."  
"I can't stop worrying? You're my best friend."  
"Then stop worrying about the fact that I'm happy."  
"But-"  
They were interrupted by the bell's ring and had to go to Chemistry class.  
After Dean and Cas had their presentation and wanted to sit down again, the teacher told them they could go to their old neighbors now. Both of them wished they could have stayed but that wasn't in the cards. So Dean sat down next to Crowley again and Cas went to Kevin.  
"Any plans for today?", Kevin asked as he and Castiel walked out the room.  
"Yep. And they involve you.", his friend said with a big smile.  
"Oh no. Cas, no!"  
"Come on, it's to obvious for me to go alone!"  
"Yeah and when I'm with you it's not?"  
"Kevin please? If you do, I will ask Dean to give you Lisa's number."  
"Okay."


	12. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets distracted when Castiel suprisingly shows up at football practice

"I still think it's a dumb idea!"  
"Oh come on, Kev. The practice hasn't even started yet."  
Cas and Kevin were sitting on the tribune when the football team came out the changing rooms to practice. Cas thought Dean would be happy for Cas to be here, but to Cas' surprise he looked shocked and a little bit angry when he catches eyes of him. Why was Dean angry? Had he done something wrong?  
'Damn it!', Dean thought, 'What is he doing here?!'. Normally he would be happy, but Dean had the feeling that Crowley and the others were already suspicious. He didn't want Cas to come to practice. He couldn't concentrate when he's around.  
Like Dean had expected he was totally distracted by Cas' presence.  
"Winchester!", Alastair, who else, shouted, "What the hell is wrong with you? Quit standing there like a dumb looser!"  
How Dean hated it when Alastair started shouting at him.  
"Calm down!", Dean shouted back.  
But that only made Alastair angrier. He started walking towards Dean and if Crowley and Azazel wouldn't have held him back, he would have hit Dean.  
-  
When the training was done and Dean finally survived that awkward tension in the changing rooms, he walked to the Impala were Cas was already waiting for him.  
"Where's your brother?", Cas asked with a smile on his face.  
"At Gabriel's. And you," Dean pointed angrily at Cas, "you, never do that again! You can't just show up at my training like that!"  
"Why? I thought you would be happy to see me? But I guess, I got that wrong.", Cas turned his back on Dean and wanted to go, but Dean held him back.  
"I was. But it distracts me. You distract me. You saw what happened. And my friends are already suspicious. I wish I could have you there every time, but I can't come out yet."  
"So I am stuck at being your mistress?", Cas asked and Dean heard the pain in his voice. Pain. Dean didn't want to hurt Cas, but he also couldn't risk everything.  
"You're a lot more than a mistress to me. You know that."  
Dean wanted to get closer to Cas, but someone could see them.  
"No. Actually I don't know that."  
"Well, you do now. I promise, I'm gonna try to do everything I can at the moment to make you happy."  
"I am happy."  
"Good. Because when you're with me, I am, too. And now get in the car , I am starving."  
Dean smiled at Cas while he swung himself into his Baby. Cas took place in the front seat and together they were driving to a diner near by.  
"Have you ever tried the cheeseburger here?", Dean asked while they walked in.  
"No. I've never been here before.", Cas answered while he was checking this place out. It was small, but still nice. The room was colorful and there were big windows all over the walls.  
"You're kidding?", Dean said with disbelief.  
"No, I'm not. I can cook myself, you know."  
"Well, I can tell for sure that you're not going to have a choice with your order then."  
Dean winked at Cas and sat down at a table next to a window.  
They had a good time and laughed much. They got to know each other better which made them even more fall in love with the other. Cas was happy and wished that Dean would be so open to him more often. That he wouldn't be so closed up to everyone.  
-  
When they drove home it was already dark outside. They arrived at Cas' house and Cas gave Dean a good-bye kiss. Before Cas left the car Dean said something to him, which made him smile.  
"You know, I already told Sam. That is something, isn't it?"  
"Yeah. I suppose it is."  
Cas smiled before he left the car and went to his house. Inside his father, chuck, was waiting for him.  
"So, that's the mysterious guy you've been seeing."  
"Dad? I didn't expect you to be home."  
"I got home early. But you're changing the topic."  
"I know you're okay with me dating a guy, because your dad was gay. So what's it you wanna talk about?"  
"He seems to make you happy."  
Cas couldn't different but to smile. His father always supported him in every way. He was just so grateful to have such an awesome dad.  
"Yeah. He does."  
"Then he's always welcome here. Just so you know."  
"You know I wouldn't care if he wasn't."  
"That's my boy."


	13. What Really Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is sick of Dean not being honest with everyone

"So, yesterday was your second date then?", Kevin asked after Castiel had told him about what happened after they had left the football practice.  
"I suppose."  
"But doesn't it bother you? Like at all?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean that he is still with Lisa. Still ignoring you in school. Doesn't want people to even know you two are talking. And you're okay with that?"  
"I don't really have a choice to care, do I?"  
"Of course you do! You always have a choice. I mean, he could at least have broken up with Lisa. I mean look at them," Kevin pointed behind Cas, "walking around like they're gonna marry tomorrow."  
Cas turned around and saw Dean, his arm around Lisa's waist, walking down the hall. Cas smiled at Dean, but Dean was just walking past him without even looking at Cas for a second. When he walked past him, he was so close to him that Cas could actually catch Dean's scent, but still Dean didn't even glance at him.  
"That's exactly what I mean! And you really expect me to believe you don't care?", Kevin said.  
"Shut up."  
Cas knew that his friend was right. It wasn't fair that Dean got to make Cas suffer. It was right that Dean made Cas happy. But every time Cas thought that everything was good, Dean had his arm around Lisa and ignored him. Kevin was right. Castiel had to do something about it.  
-  
The next two classes Cas couldn't think of anything else. How was he supposed to tell Dean all this? But while he was still searching for a way to talk to Dean, he was suddenly grabbed and found himself in the coach's office. Cas knew it was Dean without clearly seeing him.  
"Dean, what are you doing?"  
Dean smiled at Cas and came closer.  
"What does it look like?", Dean asked with a smirk.  
He tried to kiss Cas, but he stepped back.  
"What's wrong?", Dean asked.  
"I'm sick of this."  
"Of us?"  
"No. I'm sick of you not being honest. Of seeing you with Lisa like I don't even exist. I'm sick of not being able to be with you, but still being near you. I'm sick of lying. Why do you get to do what you want and I have to accept it. You don't even ask me if I'm okay with all this."  
"I told you, it's not that easy. And I didn't know it would hurt you."  
"Of course it would hurt me! What do you think, dumbass?! That it wouldn't bother me seeing you with someone else?!"  
"I'm sorry."  
Cas could see that Dean had a hard time being here. He betted that Dean never really had a talk like this. He was nervous and it seemed like he was sweating too.  
"You're sorry? That's all you got to say?", Cas said in disbelief.  
"No. I just...I don't know what to say."  
"Well then don't say anything."  
Cas turned around and wanted to leave, but Dean grabbed his wrist.  
"Please.. don't.", Dean said and Cas could clearly hear a crack in his voice. It hurt Cas to see Dean like this, but it didn't change anything. Cas was still mad and angry.  
"Why doesn't how I feel matter to you?!", Cas said angrily.  
"It does. You're all that matters to me..", Dean said with a low and sad voice.  
"Really? Because to me it doesn't seem so."  
Cas turned away and left the room, this time without letting Dean stop him. It was right to finally tell Dean all of this, but it felt so wrong. Like something was burning his heart and Dean was the only one to save it from falling to ashes.


	14. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean have a talk

"You know he's right, don't you?", Sam asked Dean after he realized that Dean was totally devastated and Sam wanted to know what was going on.  
"But he has to understand that it isn't easy for me."  
"Yes, but you also have to understand that it isn't easy for him when you're totally ignoring him and not telling anyone, except your brother, what is going on between you too. It's like you are ashamed of him."  
"But I'm not!"  
"I know that. But does he know?"  
"When did you become the one giving me dating advice?"  
"When you started acting like an idiot. And now, get your phone and call your boyfriend."  
That was the first time someone had called Cas, Dean's boyfriend. It was kinda weird, but Dean liked the thought of it. He grabbed his phone and went up to his room. Then he dialed Cas' number and hit the 'call'-button. No one picked up. But Dean never gave up that soon. He tried again. And this time Cas answered.  
"Don't call me.", Cas said angrily and hanged up right away. Still, Dean tried again. Cas answered again, but this time he sounded more hurt than angry.  
"Dean, please."  
"No, Cas. I'm not gonna stop calling you. We have to talk."  
"I think we've talked enough already."  
"No. I mean, yes. You talked. If you don't wanna say anything, that's fine. But at least listen to me."  
There was a brief moment of silence before Cas answered again.  
"Okay."  
"I'm sorry. And I mean it. I didn't wanna hurt you, and .. and you're right. I wasn't fair either."  
"So, you're gonna break up with Lisa?"  
"You know I can't do that."  
"Then I don't need to listen to you."  
"Cas plea-."  
But he had already hung up. Dean tried to call Cas a few times again, but no one picked up. While Dean was still trying to reach Cas, Sam was coming in Dean's room.  
"Did you talk to him?", he asked while sitting down next to Dean.  
"Kinda. He didn't want to talk to me. He didn't even want to listen. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose him."  
"Then why can't you at least break up with Lisa?"  
"Because everyone would want to know why. And it doesn't even make that of a difference."  
"I think it does to him. You should think about whether it's worth risking something or not."  
"Okay we're gonna stop this conversation now. It's weird talking with you about this."  
"But you're always there for me, why shouldn't I be there for you, when you need something?"  
"Because I'm the big brother, and you're the younger one. I'm supposed to watch out for you."  
Sam smiled and hugged his brother. Normally Dean didn't like hugs that much, but right now he was totally okay with it.


	15. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley notices that somethings going on

When Dean was in school and talking to Crowley, he tried to focus on his conversation with him. But he always had to think about Cas and what had happened. Cas hadn't even looked at him once today and that made Dean feel really bad. The problem was that Crowley seemed to notice.  
"What's going on with you? First you're being all rainbow happy and now you look like someone just blew up your car?"  
"Nothing. I'm alright.", Dean lied.  
"No. You're not. Is something wrong with Lisa?"  
"God, no. I mean something's definitely wrong with her, but not in the meaning of her and me."  
"Why are you even dating her if you don't like her that much? Or do you like her and just being a douche?"  
"No, I'm not really into her."  
"Are you into someone else?"  
"No."  
Crowley always knew when he lied, so it didn't surprise Dean when he got pissed.  
"If you don't wanna tell me, alright. But don't lie to me.", Crowley stood up and wanted to walk away, but Dean stopped him.  
"Okay, yes. I'm into someone else. But I'm not ready to tell you, okay? You know I've never really been into anyone. I hope you understand that I'm still figuring this all out."  
Dean meant the gay thing, but of course Crowley didn't know that.  
"As long as you don't lie to me, I'm fine."  
-  
"Wow. That was pretty badass, man", Kevin said impressed, after Cas had told him and Charlie about his fight with Dean.  
"I wouldn't say that", Charlie said in response to Kevin's reaction, "I think it was kinda hard. I mean, I know how it is to have your first gay experience. For some people it isn't that easy."  
Cas held his head in his hands. He wasn't used to think about things like this. Everything was easier before Dean finally realized that Cas existed. But he wouldn't want to change it. Maybe it was easier, but it also was lonelier. Actually he only wanted Dean back. But he also couldn't take the lying any longer.  
"Look, Cas, I know this is hard for you. But I think it is hard for him, too. Maybe you should at least listen to him.", Charlie said.  
"What? So you are on his side now?", Cas asked a little pissed.  
"I didn't know there were sides?! I just think this makes both of you unhappy, so why keep on with this and not just talk about it?"  
"They've already talked about this if you haven't been listening to him.", Kevin said, clearly being bored of talking about Dean all the time.  
"I just never thought I would fall in love with him like that. I mean, of course, I always liked him and had a crush... but that it would grow so fast..."


	16. Second Chance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Dean gets jealous about Cas and Meg, he decides to talk to Cas

When Dean catched eyes of his girlfriend he turned her way. She was sitting at their table and talking to Meg.  
"Go. Talk to him.", Lisa said to Meg while Dean sat down next to her.  
"Okay, you're right. Why am I even nervous, probably going to loose interest in him anyway in two weeks.", Meg answered and stood up.  
"What is she doing?", Dean asked Lisa after Meg left.  
"Asking this nerd guy, she has a crush on, out."  
Immediately Dean turned around the way Meg went off. He saw her talking to Cas. He couldn't hear what they were saying but from their looks Meg was really intensively flirting with Cas. Dean had a hard time relaxing and trying to keep calm, seeing Meg standing so close to Cas. He really had to do something but nothing came to his mind.  
After school he brought Sam home and drove right away to Cas' house. He knocked at the door without stopping till Cas' opened.  
"Dean? What are you doing here?!", Cas asked a little freaked out. But Dean just ignored it and walked passed him into the house, before Cas could kick him out.  
"Dean, please leave.", Cas said, but Dean could see that he didn't really mean it.  
"No! I'm not gonna leave. I have enough of it. I know you're pissed. And I kinda understand it. But I also can't control myself. I want to be around you. And every time I see you in school, I only want to be near you. And when Meg flirted with you today... man I freaked out. At first I thought those feelings scared me... but to be honest, they make me feel better than ever before. So, yeah I get that you're pissed an being hurt. But not being with you, hurts me! So please don't do this to me."  
Cas lips parted and he stared at Dean for a moment. Dean was breathing really fast. He just said all those things that came up in his mind and he doesn't really know what he's doing here. Just that it feels right.  
"Dean, I.."  
"Shut up.", Dean said while walking with fast steps right towards Cas, cupping his face with his hands and kissing him. He kissed him, like he never kissed him or anyone else before. Like kissing Cas was the only thing he was good at. At least Dean hoped he was good at it. And with Cas smiling afterwards, he surely was.  
-  
They were cuddling on Cas' bed and Dean had his arm around Cas while he was softly sliding his thumb over Cas' arm.  
"You know what?", Dean said, "Next time I see Lisa, I'm gonna break up with her."  
"Promise?"  
"Promise."  
Cas smiled and Dean leaned in to give him a brief kiss.  
"And what do you say about me staying for the night? We could skip school tomorrow and just have a nice day. Getting breakfast and go to the beach or something?", Dean asked.  
"Sounds great."


	17. Just You And Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean are skipping school to spend the day together

When Dean woke up, Cas was still asleep. He turned to him and watched his chest go up and down. It kinda calmed him. Cas was beautiful, even when he was asleep.  
Dean could have watched him for hours, but Cas woke up pretty soon after Dean. When he opened his eyes and saw Dean he smiled.  
"I could get used to this", Castiel said.  
"To what?", Dean asked, also with a smile on his face. "This?", he asked again while he came closer and kissed Cas' neck. "Or this?", he kissed his cheeks. "And what about this?", he said and leaned completely in to press his lips against the other boy's.  
"I mean waking up next to you.", Cas said after they stopped kissing," Although I certainly do not complain about the other things."  
Dean smiled and gave Cas brief kiss. Then he stood up and slid in his Jeans.  
"Get dressed. We're gonna get breakfast.", Dean said while searching for his shirt. Cas looked around.  
"You know where I left my phone?", he asked.  
"No phones today. Just you and me."  
-  
After they had an argument about where to have breakfast, which Dean had won, they drove to a diner nearby the next beach. Dean had texted Sam he wouldn't go to school today and Cas had faked his father's voice to call the school and excused himself from class. While they drove Dean began to sing along a song that came on the radio.  
"Sing with me.", Dean said to Cas, who was clearly amused by Dean's singing.  
"I don't sing.", was his response.  
"And I'm straight, remember?", Dean said with a wink.  
"I'm not gonna sing."  
"Come on. Do it for me."  
"Concentrate on driving. I don't want to die because you want me to sing."  
"At least we would die together.", Dean said and laughed.  
"Shut up.", Cas said, also laughing.  
-  
After they had breakfast they took a walk on the beach. It was a sunny and warm day and they walked barefoot only inches away from the water. Dean was closer to the sea and kicked his foot through the water and splashed it at Cas. He cried out and looked a shocked at Dean while taking a few steps back. But then he ran towards Dean and tried to throw him into the water. Dean managed to himself on the feet but Cas fell and was now completely wet. They both laughed and when Dean offered Cas his hand to help him up, Cas pulled his hand and Dean fell in the water next to him.  
"Oh you didn't.", Dean said and attacked Cas to get him closer in the sea. They had a little battle about who could get the other one deeper under water. It ended with them both laying on their backs in the sand and laughing. They were full of sand and their clothes were still wet when they made their way home. Dean complained every minute about him needing to clean up the Impala now. But it was totally worth it.  
"Best day I had in a long time.", Dean said while he stopped at Cas' house.  
"Yeah. Mine too."  
"See you tomorrow.", Dean kissed Cas briefly before he took of to get home.


	18. A Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes to an empty home

"Sammy! I'm home!", Dean shouted and shut the door behind him.  
"SAM? Where are you?"  
He went into the living room but Sam wasn't there. Then he went to Sam's bedroom. Some of his things were gone and there was a note on his desk. 'I didn't have a choice, call Bo'. It was his brother's handwriting but it was rushed and seemed like he wasn't able to finish it. Dean was afraid. '''Call Bo' .. Bo.. BOBBY!', Dean thought and quickly dialed Booby's number in his phone.  
"Hello?"  
"Bobby? It's me, Dean.", Dean said with panic in his voice.  
"Dean. Aren't you with your father? Is everything alright?"  
"My father? What? No. I was with... a friend... and when I came home, Sam's stuff is gone and I can't find him anywhere."  
"Idjit.", Bobby cursed.  
"What? Me?"  
"No! Not you. John. I thought he was picking up both of you."  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
"John called me yesterday. He told me he wouldn't be able to come home for about a month and that he would take Sam with him. I told him he couldn't part you two and that he had to take you with him. After we had an long argument he agreed but seems like he changed his mind."  
"So Sam is with our father?"  
Dean was a bit relieved that he was fine, but that he was with their father didn't really mean he was fine. Right after he ended his conversation with Bobby he called his father.  
"Where are you?!", He shouted in his phone, immediately after his father had picked up.  
"On the road."  
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you wait for me?"  
"You weren't there and I had to go. Sam tried to call you but you didn't answer. It isn't my fault that you were to busy for your brother. It was the second now you left Sam alone."  
"Is he alright? Can I talk to him?"  
"No, you can't."  
"Why? You can't just take him? What am I supposed to do?"  
"Nothing. You seemed to be fine with leaving your brother so now I'm taking him and you're not responsible for him anymore."  
"I will always be responsible for him! Please, let me talk to him!"  
"I said NO."  
"But-"  
John had hung up. Dean threw his phone across the room and cursed his father. What should he do? He was on his one. Without his brother. He never was without his brother. He never wanted to be without his brother. And all because he allowed himself to be happy for only one day. If he wouldn't have been with Cas he would have been there. He would have been there for his brother and he would have still been here. Dean was angry. Angry with his dad, angry with himself, angry with everything. He went to the bathroom, splashing water in his face to get his mind free. But it didn't work. He thought about Cas. Cas. If he just would have left it the way it was... Dean got more angry, he shouted when he hit the mirror in front of him, which split into a thousand pieces. His knuckles where bleeding and his eyes were full of tears. He screamed and kept punching the broken mirror till he finally broke done. His right hand covered in blood. His brother was gone. And only because Dean was stupid enough he could be happy without consequences.


	19. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks the only way to punish himself for what happened with Sam is staying away from Cas.

Cas was thinking about his day with Dean. How he had always smiled at him and how it had felt like, being in public without ignoring each other. He had tried to call Dean afterwards but he wouldn't have picked up. Now he was sitting at a table with Charlie and Kevin and still waiting for someone to announce the news that Dean had broken up with Lisa. Everyone made a big deal out of them starting dating so Cas was pretty sure it would be worse when they broke up. Dean had promised him to break up and Cas trusts him. But when Dean walked in the hall, Cas felt a punch in his chest. Dean looked horrible. Not horrible like ugly horrible, he was still beautiful. Cas thought that Dean could never not look beautiful. But he had dark shadows under his eyes and his right hand was bandaged. But the worst part was that he was walking with his arm around Lisa. Like he always had. Like the last two days had never happened. And, not to Cas' surprise, he still ignored him. Cas felt terrible. Like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and thrown right into a sharp's mouth. Dean had promised him... What had changed his mind?  
Charlie and Kevin didn't seem to notice. They were fighting about something stupid, Cas didn't listen to. His eyes were fixed at Dean and Lisa. They laughed, but Cas knew Dean well enough to know that this wasn't his real laugh.  
-  
After school Cas waited at Dean's car to confront him. Dean came and Sam wasn't with him, probably because he went to Gabriel's.  
"Dean. What happened?", Cas asked and pointed at Dean's bandaged hand.  
"Nothing. Go away.", Dean didn't look Cas in the eyes. But still Cas could clearly see that Dean was hurt.  
"No. I won't go away. You owe me an explanation. You promised me you would break up with Lisa. I almost thought that we could start to stop living a lie. What changed your mind?"  
Dean ignored Cas' question and got into his car.  
"Dean?! Talk to me!", Cas shouted after him but Dean still ignored it.  
"Dean! DEAN!", Cas kept on shouting while Dean drove away.  
-  
Dean didn't drive home. He drove to Bobby's. He couldn't go home. Not after everything that happened. Bobby was glad to see him and helped him with his wounded hand. Then he cooked for Dean and told him he could stay as long as he wants to.  
Dean if he wanted to stay. He wanted to go to Cas. Be with Cas. But he couldn't. This was his punishment. He left his brother to be with his boyfriend. And he couldn't think of any better way to punish himself.


	20. Unexpected Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While searching a way to talk to Dean, Castiel gets unexpected help.

After Dean had ignored Cas again the followed day, he decided to give him no other choice than talk to him. So after school he went to Dean's house. He knocked at the door but no one would answer. He knocked again and heard a voice behind him.  
"He's not there.", Crowley said.  
Castiel thought it was a bit awkward, that Crowley was here and talked to him like it was normal that Cas just showed up at Dean's.  
"Eh, well, thank you.", Castiel had stuttered.  
"But I think I know where he is. There's an abandoned house near the forest. He used to go there when he wanted to be alone. I figured he would be there. Wanted to go myself but I think it's probably better if you go."  
Cas was stunned. Did this just really happen? He nodded at Crowley and wanted to turn away but then he stopped and turned around.  
"Why are you helping me?", he asked curious.  
"Because I know Dean. And I saw the way he looks at you. He never looked at anyone like that before. He didn't have to tell me, but I knew. Everything that was going on with him the past weeks... well I just hoped he would have told me. So technically I'm not helping you. I'm helping my best friend."  
Crowley turned around and walked away, leaving Cas standing there with an empresses look on his face.  
-  
When Cas arrived at the house nearby the forest he was kinda scared. That house could totally be in a horror movie and he was curious how this could be a place someone goes when he's upset. He walked towards a door, which was half ripped out. He saw Dean. Sitting with crossed legs on the floor and throwing little stones against a wall. When he saw Cas he looked surprised for a brief moment, but then his face turned back emotionless.  
"How'd you find me?", Dean asked, still looking at the wall.  
"Crowley."  
"And what are you doing here?"  
"I need to talk to you. I don't know what happened, but could you at least just explain it to me."  
Dean didn't answer, instead he stood up and came closer to Cas.  
"Dean, please..", Cas said holding back tears, "Don't leave me."  
Dean raised his fist and before Cas could even think about ducking Dean had punched Cas to the ground. His lip was wounded and he started to bleed. He was now kneeling, but he didn't let go.  
"Dean! I know you don't want to do this."  
"Yeah? And why shouldn't I?", he said and hit Cas again. But still Cas didn't give up.  
"Because deep down you know the truth. You just don't want to accept it."  
"And what is this truth you're talking about?"  
"That you're gay. And that you love me. You can't just ignore that."  
"Love you?", Dean laughed,"I only know you for about what, two weeks?"  
"Dean... please... you owe me.", Cas whispered, but still loud enough so Dean could here it.  
"I owe you nothing!", Dean said and punched Cas again. Then Dean turned around to walk away, "And don't bother calling me.", he said while leaving Cas behind.


	21. What Are Friends For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is surprised when one of Castiels Friends talks to him

The next two days were hard for both of them. Dean hadn't heard anything from his father or Sam. Most of the time he was sitting alone at home and thinking about everything he had done. He misses his brother but he also misses Cas. He missed his ridiculous laugh. His beautiful smile. His deep ocean blue eyes. He missed sliding his hands through Cas' hair while he was kissing him. He just missed everything about him. He felt so alone without Sam and Cas. At least Crowley had come over yesterday, but they hadn't talked that much. At football practice Alastair nearly had beaten Dean to the ground, because he played so bad. People were asking him what was going on all the time. And Lisa seemed to want more attention then ever before. Dean just wished to undo the things he had done.  
-  
Cas wasn't happy either. His eye was surrounded with blue color from Dean's punches. It did still hurt, but not as much as seeing Dean. Not being able to be near Dean. After what had happened in the abandoned house, he didn't want to get Dean angrier. Although Cas could see that Dean was also hurting. He sometimes caught Dean looking at him, but Dean had immediately turned away every time. Cas just wished he could talk to Dean. That Dean would tell him what had happened. How was he supposed to live with this when he doesn't even know why? Kevin and Charlie tried to cheer him up all the time but nothing seemed to help. So Charlie thought of another way.  
-  
When Dean walked to his car, he was held back by someone. He turned around and saw a red-haired girl. Castiel's friend, Charlie.  
"What do you want?", Dean asked trying to sound angry but he was to tired.  
"I think you need to talk to Castiel. At least tell him what happened. He doesn't eat. Doesn't sleep much. He's devastated. And you're suffering too."  
"Some things just have to be."  
Dean wanted to turn away but Charlie gripped his arm.  
"Okay, I tried this the nice way but seems that it doesn't work. You're a dick. Something happened and now you're all emo boy, great. So you feel bad. That's your problem. But Cas? He didn't do anything! And he doesn't deserve that. He deserves better than just being like a toy to you. I know he means a lot to you. So you're gonna get your shit together and explain to him what happened! He doesn't need to feel like crap, just because you have a problem!"  
Charlie glanced angry at him and turned away. Dean was shocked. Never had anyone ever talked so directly to him. No one he didn't really know. But what Charlie said was true. Cas didn't deserve this. But Dean didn't deserve Cas. He didn't deserve to be happy after what happened with Sam.


	22. Lucifer Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and his friends get a suprise visit, and Cas finally finds out what is going on with Dean

"YOU DID WHAT?!", Cas shouted after Charlie had told him that she has talked to Dean.  
"Sorry. I just can't watch you like this anymore."  
"Well doesn't seem like it had changed anything.", Cas said while grabbing another cookie. After his father gave him a speech yesterday about what happens when you don't eat enough, he started eating again. And now he can't stop eating. Eating distracts him from his problems with Dean. Eating is his new love. He wants to marry every single cookie that he has eaten today.  
"I can't believe it.", Kevin said pointing at someone who just walked in the hall, "Wasn't he suspended?"  
Cas turned around and his heart stopped working for a second. Lucifer. The guy that had bullied him since the beginning of high school. He got suspended a few weeks ago, but no one knows why. And now he's back. As if Cas wouldn't have already enough problems. As Lucifer caught sight of him, he walked to Cas' table, laughing and looking amused at his wounds.  
"Who has beaten you up?", Lucifer asked with a smirk.  
"That's none of your business!", Charlie defended her friend.  
"Oh, yes, it is. I have to thank the guy who did my job while I was gone. Or was it a girl? It wouldn't surprise me..."  
Cas didn't answer and just looked ashamed at the table.  
"I guess I have to find out myself.", Lucifer said and left.  
-  
When Cas was on his way home he saw Dean talking to a girl. When he got closer he could see that it was the girl Sam was friends with. Although he tried not to, he couldn't different but hide behind a tree and listen to them.  
"What do you mean, he's gone?", Jess asked Dean in surprise.  
"My father took him."  
"What?!"  
"I wasn't at home that day and stayed with a friend of mine. When I came home Sam was gone. My dad took him with him to some business trip. I don't know when they'll be back."  
Cas stopped listening. Now he knew what was going on. Sam is gone and Dean blames himself for it. He stayed at Cas'. If he hadn't been with Cas, Sam would probably still be there. But it wasn't Dean's fault. Maybe he would take Cas back if he could convince Dean that it wasn't his fault.


	23. Certain Anger Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes to Cas' rescue

Dean was walking out of class when he heard Lisa, shouting his name behind him. With fast footsteps he walked the the men's room. He had to break up with her and he knew it. Not only because she annoyed him and he isn't into her, but also because of Cas. Cas... Dean thought a lot about Cas. When he was able to shove away the concern about how Sam was doing without him, only their father around, the thoughts about Cas came up immediately. He always had Cas' face in his head, beaten up by him. How could he had done it? How could he had hurt someone, who means so much to him? He wanted to punish himself but he also punished Cas, without him doing anything wrong. God, Cas had never done anything wrong. Cas would know what to do about Sam..  
When Dean thought Lisa had to be gone by now, he stepped out of the room and walked to his locker. But just as he came out he caught sight of Cas. And immediately that feeling of a knife being shoved in his heart, came back. It was pure pain. But he couldn't do anything against it. Dean saw Lucifer, who wasn't surprisingly suspended anymore, went to Cas and said something to him that Dean couldn't understand. But it didn't look like a nicely conversation. Dean wanted to ignore it, but when Lucifer started pushing Cas, he couldn't.  
"Leave him alone!", he shouted and hurried to them.  
Everyone was looking now. Azazel, Lisa and Meg were there, too. But no one stopped Dean from pulling Lucifer away from Cas.  
"What's your problem, Winchester?", Lucifer asked with a smirk.  
"I said, leave him alone.", Dean repeated looking angry at Lucifer.  
"Oh. So I'm gone for a few weeks and when I come back, little nerdy guy here has a bodyguard?"  
"I'm not his bodyguard!"  
"Dean.. please", Cas started saying but Dean cut him off.  
"No. He can't just come back here and act like he's the king."  
"Yes, I can.", Lucifer said and pushed Dean unexpected so he crashed into some people behind him.  
Then Lucifer turned back to Cas.  
"Where did we stop?... Ah yes."  
He raised his fist to hit Castiel but Dean was already there. "Back off!", he shouted while pushing hisself against Lucifer to protect Cas. Lucifer got angry now and started to hit Dean. Dean had to defend himself and they got into a little fight. Cas tried to stop Dean, but he ignored it. They only stopped when their football coach came and blew in his whistle to get the boys off.  
"What is going on here? Lucifer, you're only back for a day now and already in a fight?", the coach said angry.  
"It wasn't my fault! He started it!", Lucifer said with a sudden face of innocent.  
"That's right! He only defended himself.", Azazel said, stepping out of the crowd. At first Dean was surprised that Azazel lied, but he always had looked up to Lucifer and tried to impress him.  
"Coach that's not--"  
"Silence!", the coach shouted cutting off Dean,"Winchester. You're not allowed to play in the game today."  
"WHAT?!", Dean shouted in disbelief,"But I didn't do anything!"  
"Your friends here, say different."  
"They're not my friends."  
"And why should I care?"  
"Dean is telling the truth. He didn't do anything.", Cas tried to help, but the coach didn't care.  
"Winchester is not playing today, and that's it. End of discussion."  
Angrily Dean walked away from the crowd, cursing Lucifer and Azazel.


	24. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally breaks up with Lisa

When Dean got home, his phone buzzed and he picked up.  
"Hello?"  
"Dean? It's Lisa."  
"Hi. What's up."  
"What's up? Really? I wanted to talk to you after what happened in the hall. You know with Lucifer and that nerd. Why did you defend him? You know Lucifer. You were friends with him. Why did you turn against him to protect someone you barely know?"  
"I don't have to explain myself to you."  
"Yes! You do! I'm your girlfriend! And if you think I didn't notice something was off about you for the last three weeks, I did. As your girlfriend I deserve to know."  
"Oh yeah, about that girlfriend part. We're done."  
"What?!"  
"It's over. I don't even like you that much. So yeah, see you in school sometime."  
Before Lisa could answer, Dean had hung up. He had done it. He had broken up with her. But does that change anything? Would Cas even still want to be with Dean after everything he has done?  
Dean caught sight of the pictures hanging on the wall. There was one with him and his mother. He was only 2 years old and smiling and so was his mum. He was sitting in front of a big birthday cake and his mother behind him. It was his second birthday and he had gotten chocolate cake. His father once told him after he had taken the picture, Dean wanted to try eat the cake once at all so he fell into the cake and was wrapped up with chocolate. He said that Dean hadn't eat chocolate for months. Then he saw the next picture. Sam, Dean and their dad. They had been on vacation. Non of them really smiled. Dean got angry. His father had taken Sam. He won't see him in a while. Maybe never again. His father led him to reject Cas. Dean was so angry at himself that he took it out on Cas. Cas. Someone who meant so much to Dean. Someone who will probably never forgive him. Dean only realized now, that he shouldn't blame himself. At least he shouldn't blame Cas. His father was the one to blame. Dean got so angry, he took the picture from the wall and threw it across the room. The frame broke when it hit the wall and to Dean's surprise there was someone staying just an inch away from the place the picture just hit the wall. It was Cas. He looked a bit frozen but then he opened his mouth to say something.  
"Can we talk?"


	25. A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tells Cas the truth

"Your front door was open and I just... well... I think we really should talk.", Cas said after Dean didn't answer his question. Cas wanted to ask about the picture but didn't.  
"You want to talk?", Dean asked while getting a few steps closer so they were standing in front of each other.  
"I heard you. When you talked to Jess. I know what happened with Sam. Why didn't you tell me?"  
Dean didn't answer. Instead he looked embarrassed at his feet.  
"Okay you don't want to tell me. Then tell me what you were doing today in the hall. Why you couldn't just let Lucifer do what he wanted to do?", Cas asked again.  
"I couldn't, because I care about you. Because I couldn't see you being hurt again. Because... you were right about everything."  
Cas was still thinking about what to answer, when Dean took a step closer and cupped Cas' face with his hands.  
"God, I am so sorry", Dean said,"Everything I've done and still I hope you could forgive me. I'm so sorry."  
"I was never mad. I don't have to forgive you. Dean, I knew what risks I had to take, being with you. And yeah, maybe it would be easier if I just would let it go. But I don't want to. I don't regret anything. Well, maybe being mad at you for not breaking up with Lisa. I overreacted."  
"No you didn't. Actually, I just broke up with her. I should have broken up with her the minute I met you. I just... I don't know. I realized something."  
Dean looked Cas in the eyes and Cas had a really hard time concentrating. Especially now, that Dean started smiling.  
"What did you realize?", Cas, also smiling, asked.  
"I need you, Cas. And I don't want to be without you.", Dean answered with such a look of relief in his eyes.  
"I love you.", Cas said after taking a deep breath and all of his courage.  
Dean smiled. He smiled like he had never smiled before. Then he leaned in and kissed Cas. The kiss was fiercely but also soft. It was like fireworks lighting up the sky. Cas felt really comfortable, but then Dean stepped back, still smiling. He stroked Cas' cheek. Then his smile went a little down, but not entirely.  
"You know I'm not gonna say it back?", Dean asked, already expecting the answer to be 'yes'. But before Cas could answer he added, "But that doesn't mean it isn't true."  
Cas looked at Dean with wide eyes, filled with the expression of love.  
"I just can't say it.", Dean said.  
"That's fine. I'm happy as long I'm with you.", Cas said.  
"Good. Because I have no idea what to do for the rest of the day.", Dean said smiling and kissed Cas again.  
-  
Before Cas left he wanted to make sure that Dean is alright with being alone.  
"So, you're okay with being alone for the night? I mean with everything that happened with Sam?"  
"I'll be fine. It's just.. there's nothing I can do about it."  
"What if you can?", Cas said, while his face brightend like he got an idea.


	26. Mission Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and his friends go on a mission to get his brother back

Dean, Cas, Charlie, Kevin and Crowley were all sitting at a table in School. Dean and Cas worked out a plan to get Sam back but they have realized very soon that they needed help.  
"You know this will probably never work?", Crowley asked, after they had explained the plan to their friends.  
"It's not THAT bad.", Dean said, clearly also not fully convinced.  
"It'll work.", Cas said and placed his hand on Dean's back to comfort him, what made their friends look around to see if anyone else did notice. And they did, some people were whispering and surely judging them, but Dean didn't care.  
"We just need your help. Charlie we need you to hack into Mr. Winchester's phone, so we can get his location. And Kevin I need you to make sure he can't follow us after we got Sam. Destroy the tiles of his car, while we're in the house or something like that.", Castiel explained. "And what exactly do you need me for?", Crowley asked, still not being convinced. "I need you to drive my car when we come back.", Dean answered, "You're the only one I trust with it." Crowley raised an eyebrow but then he agreed.  
-  
"I still can't believe your brother was only 2 hours away from you all this time.", Kevin said on their ride to the place Charlie located Dean's father.  
"Yeah, me neither.", Dean said, sounding a bit nervous.  
"Everything will be alright. It's close to midnight and you said you're father is always asleep by then. We will get Sam and everything will be fine. What could possibly go wrong?", Cas tried to motivate the others but he wasn't really sure himself. "Everything could go wrong.", Crowley said, clearly still not trusting the plan. "Well, now it's to late. We're here.", Dean said, stopping the car and looking at the house his father and brother were supposed to be in. The light's were out but his father's car stood in the driveway. "Everyone knows what they got to do?" The others nodded. "Then let's go." Dean took a deep breath and stepped out the car. Kevin and Cas followed him. When Cas and Dean reached the door they silently cracked the lock. Everything was the way they planned it, now they only had to find the room Sam was staying. When they found it, Dean told Cas to stay in the hallway and keep watch, in case his Dad would wake up. Carefully Dean stepped in the room. He saw Sam, wrapped up in his blanket. He wanted to take him into his arms just to make sure it's not all a dream. He walked over to the bed and gently woke his brother up. "Dean?", Sam asked surprised, "What are you doing here? If Dad sees you he will-" "Shh. I'm here to get you out of here but you gotta be quiet and do exactly as I say. Can you do that for me?" Sam nodded. "Okay. Then grab the things you need and then follow me to my car, we have to move quickly but can't make any sounds.", Dean explained and Sam stood up packing some things in his bag. Then he looked at Dean and smiled. "Thank you. For always looking out for me." "That's my Job, isn't it?", Dean said smiling. "But now, let's go." They walked out of the room were Cas was waiting. "Hey Sam, nice to see you again.", Cas whispered. Sam opened his mouth to answer but suddenly the light went on and they heard a voice. "What the hell is going on here?!"  
"Damn it!", Dean cursed, "Run!", he told Sam and Cas. Sam was the first one to react and run out of the house, followed by Dean. When Sam got in the car, Dean looked around to make sure Cas was behind him but he couldn't see him. "Cas!", he shouted, but before he could think further, he suddenly heard a loud gun shot from inside the house.


	27. The End

"CAS!", Dean shouted an ran back into the house. Crowley tried to stop him, but Dean was to worried to concentrate now. All he could think about was the gun shot he heard when he had looked around to check if Castiel was still following him and hadn't seen him there. He saw Cas lying on the floor and his father standing behind him with a shotgun in his hands. When he saw Dean he locked shocked "Dean?! What are you doing here?" But Dean ignored him and kneeled on the floor next to Cas. He pulled him in his arms and held his hand over the strong bleeding wound in Castiel's chest. "Call 911!" He shouted at his father who still stood frozen. "No,no,no,no,no.", Dean desperatly mumbled. He quickly looked at his Dad to see if he was really calling help, but John seemed to still be shocked. "Goddamnit! Call 911! NOW!" John woke up from his frozenness and went in the kitchen where the phone was.  
Dean tried to stop the bleeding but it didn't seem to work. "Cas listen, you're gonna make it.", he said with his voice trembling. "Dean-" "Shhh.", Dean interrupted Cas. "Everything will be fine. You're gonna make it."  
"No. I.. I won't.", Cas choked and blood slowly started to run out of his mouth.  
"YES! You will. We still have so much more to do. We're gonna have lots of dates. And we're gonna make out in public, so I can show you I really mean it. We're gonna go on a double date with Sam and Jess. We're gonna go on vacation together, and we're gonna watch the sunset together. We're gonna have a future together. I can't picture myself without you anymore, so you goddamn have to make it."  
Still, with all the pain he felt, Cas managed to smile at Dean. He wanted to answer but was just to weak. Dean tightend his grip on Cas and tried to hold back his tears, but they just came out of his eyes like salty raindrops.  
"Cas, I need you. Please, stay with me."  
Slowly, Cas' eyes went shut. "No,no,no,no,no,no. Stay with me. Keep your eyes open. You've got to keep your eyes open!", Dean kept on, desperatly trying to keep Cas' awake. "Cas! Come on, open your eyes!.. Cas.. I love you. Don't leave me! Please!", Dean cried but it was to late. Cas wouldn't wake up. He wouldn't wake up ever again.  
-  
THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry


End file.
